Help child find ways of initiating middle-school friendships

Q: My daughter is starting middle school. She's worried about making friends. This hasn't been easy for her in the past. I'm afraid it will be even harder in a large school. What can I do to help her?

A: Having friends and feeling a sense of belonging are important and can help make children happy and successful in school. It can actually be easier for children to make new friends in middle school. Sometimes more than one elementary school feeds into the middle school. So there are more students and more diversity. This can give your daughter a greater chance to find others who share her interests.

Talk with your child about making friends. Remind her that others are worried about making friends, too. Point out that even adults can sometimes feel uncomfortable in new situations. Assure her of your support, then have her try these ideas:

« Practice starting a conversation. "I really like your ... . " or "What is your favorite subject?" Explain that people like to be asked questions about their own interests.

« Read books and magazines. Encourage her to keep current on movies, sports and school events so she will have things to talk about.

« Join an after-school club or sports team.

« Be an initiator. Suggest that she invite two students from class to go to a movie or do homework together.

« Offer to help a classmate with homework or a chore.

Your daughter needs to take the lead. But you can support her by being nonjudgmental. Be aware that fads and fashions can be very important to kids as they try to "fit in."

Make your home child-friendly. Have age-appropriate videos and games on hand. Don't forget the snacks! Encourage your daughter to invite classmates over.

Some children make friends quickly and are soon part of a group, but if it seems very difficult for your child, talk with her teacher or counselor about other ways you might help her.

For more information about helping children learn or to submit your own question to The Learning Advisor, go to http://advisor.parent-institute.com. All questions will receive a prompt answer by email. Copyright © 2006, The Parent Institute.