Cavemen and Mitt Romney's tongue slip: It's going to be a terrible fall.

Imagine me taking a buzz-saw to my new (way-too-expensive-for-a-reporter) TV.

What would cause such dizzying, caffeine-fueled rage?

Cavemen. On network TV. That's what.

Remember the worst shows you've ever seen? Of course not. Those memories are relegated to the back of minds, replaced only by fuzzy reruns of "Growing Pains" and "Blossom."

But those shows (at least with the exception of "Alf") at least involved human beings.

These cavemen, on ABC on Tuesday night, aren't even human. Far as I can tell, they're neanderthals in more than one sense of the word. Homo neanderthalensis, to be exact. A different species!

If these neanderthals were really alive today, they'd be more than 24,000 years old. That's ancient even by biblical proportions. Strike one.

Add that to the fact that we're trusting these animals to interact normally with our elderly and children, and you have a recipe for disaster, if you ask me. Strike two.

Not to mention that these cavemen date human women! Ack! Snort! Guffaw! Inter-species dating! To what lengths will TV executives go to satisfy the American public's prurient desire? And Tulowitzki goes down swinging on three straight pitches.

Have I seen the show? No. But one thing I do know? Those cavemen need a haircut. Apparently they've been too busy over the last 24,000 years to stop by a barber shop for a trim. And apparently no one in the present thinks enough of the cavemen to offer them a haircut.

On a semi-related, bone-headed note, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney continually confused Barack Obama with Osama bin Laden at a campaign stop in South Carolina last week.

"Actually, just look at what Osam — uh — Barack Obama, said just yesterday. Barack Obama calling on radicals, jihadists of all different types, to come together in Iraq," Romney said, mistaking Obama's position on the War on Terror for a recently released audiotape from bin Laden.

A mistake? Your guess is as good as mine.

But one thing I do know?

It's funnier than cavemen in three-piece suits.