Churches embrace racy topics to teach kids

By Andra Coberly

acoberly@fortcollinsnow.com

Sex, sexuality, dating and relationships may not seem like typical church talk. Even more so, homosexual sex, masturbation, date rape and sex before marriage are not what one would think of as hot topics within the house of God.

But these days, some churches are encouraging this sort of dialogue among their younger followers.

"Some people don't really want to talk about that (sex and sexuality) at church," said Timberline Church Youth Pastor Jason Veliquette. "It should be talked about. It is my belief that God created it (sex). And we should be discussing it. It is my desire to be a voice of openness and a voice of saying that these issues are something they should be thinking about."

With the federal government spending millions on abstinence-only sex education and the state continuing to examine sex education policy, the church programs are created as a supplement, they say, to what the kids learn at school. They provide an opportunity to touch on topics that are intrinsically vital to how the children develop into adults and grow relationships. And each church, within their different programming, can discuss these topics with faith and values in mind.

"Traditionally, sex education programs in schools focus on the plumbing, the physiology and the biology," said Rev. Julie Mavity Maddalena, Christian education director at Fort Collins' Plymouth Congregational Church. "We have a lot more freedom than public schools and we have more time to devote to it. We think that this is something that should be happening in church, where we do have that freedom to discuss values regarding faith."

Plymouth Congregational of the United Church of Christ offers a program called 'Our Whole Lives' to kids and teenagers in fourth and fifth grades, junior high and high school. The OWL program, created jointly by the Unitarian Universalist Association and the UCC, has been around for years. But Plymouth only recently began offering some of the more extensive programming. They have 10 students in the junior high program.

"It gives kids a lot to fall back on, to help them know why they would say 'no' or why they would want to be a in a relationship," Mavity Maddalena said.

Discussing the topics now -- and teaching them that sex can be a gift from God -- will likely help them into the future, they say.

"It's psychologically difficult to go from 'sex is bad' and then all of a sudden say, 'Oh, you're married, sex is good,' and then try to make that a healthy thing," Mavity Maddalena said. "We want kids to have great sexual relationships with their future partners."

At Timberline Church in Fort Collins, Youth Pastor Jason Veliquette brings together junior high- and high school-age members as a part of their weekly services for youth. For about a month, the services focus on dating and sex. They also break up into small groups to let the kids discuss the issues.

"It's kind of my philosophy that students are told no on a lot of things," Veliquette said. "I look back into scripture ... and then I can say that if you want the best sex ever, here is the best plan. His plan is the best way -- in a relationship for life."

The group also talks about personal boundaries when it comes to dating, divorce and break-ups, self respect and self image. Veliquette said that they don't focus on "the plumbing" of sex education classes, but center the discussion on the social, emotional and spiritual dynamics with relationships and sex.

As far as abstinence, Timberline has a different take than Plymouth. Their sex and spirituality services focus on abstinence only.

"It's waiting until you are married, and how we promote that is that it's not only God's plan, it's the best way," he said.

While numerous churches were contacted for this story that have sexuality and spirituality programs, only these two returned phones calls and wanted to discuss them. One church said that though they did offer youth courses on the subject, they did not want to share what they entailed.

But Plymouth's and Timberline's education leaders say discussing these topics can be one of the most vital parts of a church's message to kids and teenagers.

"It's probably one of the most important things we talk about," Veliquette said. "Life is about relationships, especially in junior high and high school. If the church is silent on this subject, we are not doing our job."