What moves nice young ladies to snarl, push and pummel? Their skates, of course

This is not your grandma's roller skating. It's not your mother's, either.

It ditches disco for rock 'n' roll. It scraps feathered hair for fishnet stockings.

It's women who've been around the block who like to go speeding around the track.

Yes, it's women on skates -- the old-school quads. They go by nicknames like Butt Dog, Irish Rager, Roller Rat and Sue E Cyde SlamHer. Better still, they go crashing into each other.

It's a sport played by professional women -- X-ray techs, graphic artists, dental hygienists, advertising reps and waitresses -- who pull on skimpy skirts and roll deeply into alter-egos. They take up the sport to have fun, relieve some stress.

But when it comes to bouts, when the house lights go down and the scoreboard flashes on, they mean business. Their goal is to get the heart pumping, the beer flowing -- and if need be -- the blood spilling.

They are the Slaughterhouse Derby Girls, a new roller derby league formed in Slaughterhouse USA -- good ol' Greeley.

If you're still puzzled by this punchy wordplay about bruisy bouts, just check out the pictures here. They tell you all you need to know about roller derby.

The contact. The fishnets. The 24-ounce Buds. The kitsch.

This undeniably potent mix explains why the fledgling sport has put this cowtown in a hammerlock. These ladies nailed the local zeit-gristle with "Slaughterhouse," a Greeley-to-the-bone moniker if there ever was one.

The Slaughterhouse Girls, who favor black, tattoos and spikes, sold 491 of 500 tickets for their inaugural bout last month at JBS Sports. The Marshals of Mayhem slammed it to the Renegade Brigade as fans screamed for carnage. A rock band played at the after-party and a teenager briefly lit herself on fire during the halftime show.

The crowd went wild.

Afterward, mothers with nicknames that would make a longshoreman blush signed autographs for the kiddies.

The Slaughterhouse (mother league of the Marshals and Renegade squads) swings open its doors for its second bout -- The STOMPede -- at 7 p.m. on June 28.

The house of pain is again JBS Sports, 2835 31st Ave.

BREAKOUT

For more information, go to www.slaughterhousederbygirls.com